MY FIRST AND WORST MOTHERS DAY OF ALL

Truth is stranger than fiction

I heard a radio announcer ask the question: What was the best gift you ever got for Mothers Day?” Frankly, I can’t remember, but I can certainly remember the worst Mothers Day I ever had. It was my very first one as a new mother.

My then-husband had really wanted our baby. He had begged for us to have a baby as soon as we were married. I was the one who wanted to wait until we were settled and more financially secure, and I had graduated from college. But as fate would have it, our little Junior was born about 10½ months after our wedding. The following year was my first Mothers Day. His father named him after himself, and we called him by that same name. Here he is appropriately called "Junior" because he really is a Junior.

I don’t know what I expected: a small gift, maybe going out to eat, at least a card, but most of all, respect and recognition as the mother of our son. We lived 800 miles from our families, and we would not get to spend the day with our own mothers, but I did expect a small celebration of our own. After all, he had wanted this son so badly. Here’s what I got instead.

Mothers Day is mothers day to do more work

He kept shaking me and telling me to get up. He poked and prodded me all day long and would not let me rest.

Joy quickly faded

I was rudely awakened by my husband, George, shaking me and telling me to get up. I told him that I wanted to sleep in, but he kept on shaking me and telling me to get up. Finally, I asked why. He said to get up and fix his breakfast. That was odd because he never ate breakfast. It was always just a cup of coffee on the run.

“Well, it’s Mothers Day,” he said. “That means it’s mother’s day to do more work!”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, still thinking that he had a surprise for me. He had a surprise for me all right. Then the baby awoke and needed changing and his bottle. George had no problem with my giving attention to Junior, but as soon as I placed the baby back into his crib, he started again.

Why are you doing this?

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, still thinking it was some kind of a joke.

“It’s Mother’s Day to do more work, now get my breakfast.” He shoved me into the kitchen. I could not believe what was going on. Was he really serious? Nobody in his right mind would be serious about this, but I cooked breakfast and we ate. He got up from his chair and began to shake my shoulders again. “Now do the dishes, it’s mother’s day to do more work!”

By now no gift or pleasant surprise appeared, and I was beginning to realize that he really was serious. What kind of mean-spirited joke was this? I tried to reason with him, but there was no reasoning. Here was a man that I did not know. The only answer I got in return was the same sarcastic repetition, “its mother’s day to do more work,” and more poking and shoving.

THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF A TORTUOUS DAY!

We had no dishwasher, so I washed the dishes and left them drying in the rack. Then I went into the living room and sat down. He came in and started shaking and poking me again, telling me to get up and work. I answered that there wasn’t any work for me to do. His answer was to “find some. “Get up, it’s mother’s day to do more work.” He told me to go start dinner if I didn’t have anything else to do. He would not allow me to sit.

I cooked our dinner. For Southerners, dinner is the main meal of the day and in many homes, especially on Sunday, is the noon meal. I did my usual chores and cared for baby Junior. George did not bother me anytime I was taking care of Junior, like feeding, diapering, bottling, or feeding him his baby food. However, any time I put Junior down for a nap, the hassling by shaking, shoving and telling me it was mother’s day to do more work started again.

This emotional torture did not let up all day. By late afternoon, I was in tears, but he was laughing. This was sooo funny! This went on into the evening hours until bedtime. I went to bed and cried while he laughed and thought himself so clever. The ugly phrase "it's mothers day to do more work" still rings in my ears.

Why did I put up with this...

Why did I put up with this abuse all day long? Most older readers will understand; the younger reader needs to know that this was an entirely different era, the 1960s. Women then were taught that we were obligated to put up with our husbands’ bullshit. However, what I endured on Mothers Day went beyond the usual male BS; it wassadistic. I had never been emotionally bombarded before, and I had no idea how to handle it.

As I stated earlier, we lived far away from our families. Had we been in the same town, I would have gone to my mother with the tale. She would have called my mother-in-law immediately and told her what was going on. That sweet little mild-mannered lady harbored quite a temper. She would have been at our door right after breakfast and, in no uncertain terms, put the fear of God and motherhood into her son. Under our circumstances, I did not have that option.

That was before I learned to drive, so I could not leave the house unless I walked. I came from a family whose father was unreasonably opposed to his children learning to drive a car. When I was 15, my mother gave me one driving lesson and made the mistake of telling my father. After that, the lessons stopped, and anytime I asked for more, her answers were always evasive. Daddy did teach my brother to drive a car, but it was only after driver services refused to renew his motorcycle license at age 16. My brother depended on his motorcycle for his paper route, and Daddy grudgingly made an exception for him. Except for shoe-leather express, I was stuck.

Even if I had left, I had nowhere to go. I was too stressed out to think of an alternative, the truth be told.

The next morning, George was back to his old self, except for feeling pretty smug for the “cute” joke he had played on me. I was not. I had a big deep hole of hurt in my heart and a new attitude of distrust toward him. I hoped that day while we both had cooler heads, I could talk to him about how he had made me feel. I explained how hurt I was, but he just laughed and said, “well, it was mother’s day to do more work.” He could not put himself into my place. He had no empathy. I have since learned that the term for that type of personality disorder is "malignant narcissist."

I was still hurt, and I was not going to let him get away with it. Father’s Day was coming up in the next month and he was looking forward to it. Believe it or not, he actually thought he was going to get special treatment on Fathers Day. He was a Father! He had begat a son! He deserved special treatment! He got my best all right.

Don't get mad, get even!

I awoke early on Fathers Day and shook him awake. “Get up, I said, it’s Fathers Day.”

“Yes, I know,” he answered smiling, still expecting the royal treatment. I began to give him the same treatment that he had given to me.

“It’s father’s day to do more work,” I said, shaking and poking him. I told him to cook our breakfast. He acted surprised, but I kept shaking and poking him until he got up.

“I don’t know how. I can’t cook,” he said, which was true.

“Then go take care of Junior. Change his diaper and feed him his bottle.” I went into the living room and sat down. I didn’t budge even when he came in and asked when I was going to pick up Junior from his crib and take care of him. “You do it, it’s father’s day to do more work,” I spewed.

It must have dawned on his little pea brain that I was getting him back for what he had done to me on Mothers Day because I stood my ground. He was still adamant that he didn’t know how to cook, and that I would have to cook breakfast. I went to the kitchen, and seeing that I was not going to take care of the baby, he went to take care of Junior.

He came in later, bringing Junior, to find me eating my eggs and toast. Where’s mine?” he asked looking at the empty range.

“Fix your own damned breakfast if you want some, it’s father’s day to do more work,” I retorted and continued eating. I did not budge toward the stove. He was bewildered. I do not remember whether he fixed a bowl of cold cereal or contented himself with coffee. Frankly my dear, I didn't give a damn. He was beginning to get the picture, but I don't think he thought I would keep it up all day long like he had done to me.

Any time he sat down all day long, I poked him or shook him and told him to get up, it was father’s day to do more work. Whether or not he got up, I gave him the same hell he gave me. There were few, if any, peaceful moments in that day for him. By the time the day was over, he looked as disappointed and hurt as I had felt on Mothers Day. He did not like receiving the same contemptuous treatment that he had dished out to me on my day.

When he mentioned how I was making him feel, I merely told him that he’d started the tradition, so he had nothing to complain about. He got no sympathy from me.

Now some of you do-gooders reading this will say to me that I lowered myself to his level. I say “good, that is what I intended to do.” A malignant narcissist doesn’t have the capacity to empathize with others. They do not understand the Golden Rule. They cannot or will not put themselves into another person’s place and feel what that person feels. The person cannot be told, this type of malignant narcissist has to be shown. Then if you are lucky, he or she will know how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot. In this particular instance, it worked.

I don’t remember much about the next Mothers Day except that he treated me with the respect and dignity that the mother of his child deserved. It was a very nice day for me. After that, all the Mothers Days and Fathers Days of our 10-year marriage were normal.

As I said at the beginning, this is my story, and it is the truth. I don't think I could have made this one up.

Source: http://hubpages.com/family/My-First-and-Worst-Mothers-Day

COGNITIVE COMPUTING

February 14, 2011 was a momentous day. It was Valentine’s Day, of course, and romance was in the air. It was also the day in which a technology major unveiled a completely automated system that challenged humans in the popular televised game show Jeopardy!

Jeopardy! is a very unforgiving game. Clues can be about any topic on earth. There are no multiple choice questions. There is no option to phone a friend and winning entails an unerring focus on precision: You have to know the right answer. The human contestants were no ordinary contestants. They were grand champions who had amassed huge wins over many years based on their vast knowledge of the world. The company’s system wowed the world with its performance and this event was generally considered a very significant advance in the science and technology of natural language processing and artificial intelligence.

The Jeopardy! show signalled the dawn of a new kind of computing paradigm— Cognitive Computing, characterised by systems that learn with experience, that interact with humans in a manner more intuitive to humans (via speech, touch, or language), and that can be trained to excel in areas typically associated with human intelligence and requiring expertise. These systems are not programmed using declarative (if or then) rules, but trained and configured using examples. Cognitive Computing systems are playing an increasing role in our everyday lives and a perfect solution for business needs in the era of big data.

Five years have passed and today that system has advanced far beyond its question answering days. It is the most advanced cognitive computing platform in the world that includes core cognitive services ranging from deep text understanding, deep image understanding, machine learning and language processing. Today, cognitive solutions are reshaping industries and domains and scaling human expertise for professions across the board from wealth managers to oncologists to sales professionals.

I believe the defining challenge of our times is to create innovative solutions to some of the most pressing problems of the world—like healthcare and education—using Cognitive Computing.

This is particularly relevant for a developing country like India, where the need of the hour is to tackle challenges like urban transportation, healthcare and education in new and innovative ways. The opportunity is to engineer systems that learn (from examples) the unique requirements and characteristics of India and Indians and enabling expert services in a very personalised way.

Customer experience is being rapidly redefined by cognitive technologies. Today, robots with embedded cognitive technology are helping shoppers in stores in Japan. A retailer in North America provides specialised equipment for outdoor activities like camping or trekking. Fluid—a cognitive partner—developed a service called Xpress Personal Shopper (XPS) that is now deployed on the retailer’s website.

Using the XPS, customers can interact with the cognitive system using natural language dialogue to ask questions like, ‘I am going for a five-day camping trip in Utah. What gear do you recommend I need for this?’. The system can probe further and help the customer in meeting their needs in a very similar fashion to what an expert human agent in a store might do. From finding precise information about products to personalised recommendations of products, cognitive systems are redefining customer experience.

India is projected to have over 5 million developers by 2018, the largest of any nation in the world. How do we empower this force to build on the new paradigm of computing? The pressing need is for growing and ramping up expertise in the areas of machine learning and natural language processing and for platforms that enable building, training and configuring cognitive solutions easily.

There are cognitive platforms that enable developers to quickly create solutions composing services for complex technologies like deep learning, image processing, speech to text and natural language processing. Today, thousands of developers around the world and hundreds of ecosystem partners are building such solutions in many diverse fields.

As India is developing at a rapid pace, the number of people with surplus wealth is exploding. Banks and financial institutions are struggling to cater to this population with expertise to help with investment and taxation choices. Cognitive systems can help scale that expertise with advisors for investment recommendations, and bringing the massive amounts of information from financial news and investment advisory reports to the fingertips of wealth managers and investors.

We are living in exciting times. Within a short period of time, we can expect cognitive solutions to reshape and redefine our experience with many day-to-day activities through technologies that partner with humans to help us make better decisions and live our lives better.

- By Nandakishore Kambhatla, Distinguished Engineer & Senior Manager, Cognitive Technologies and Solutions, IBM Research

Source: http://forbesindia.com/blog/technology

ANTARCTICA: THE LAST CONTINENT

At Ushuaia, the capital of Tierra Del Fuego in Argentina and the southernmost city in the world, we board the Grigoriy Mikheev, a Russian icebreaker. I am wearing a micro-fibre jacket made to order at a small Mumbai shop that supplies all kinds of mountaineering equipment. It’s not cold, but it’s windy enough to freeze. The icebreaker has nice, warm rooms.

The trip is turning out to be easier than I thought. Until the night that us 18 passengers step off the ship, into Zodiacs — inflatable boats — to zip off in the darkest night, not a star in the sky, towards a lighthouse, for dinner. I hold on to the rope handles with a death grip. I am vegetarian, I want to scream, let me go back to the ship! But the silence on board means everyone is nervous too. We are treated to one of the best meals at the restaurant and I tell the organiser, Captain Ben (and his wonderful wife and child) that the spinach and cheese-filled ravioli is unforgettable. They think my religion does not permit wine, but I am too chicken to admit I’m scared that imbibing could mean I would fall off the Zodiac on the way back. 

Mornings are amazing. We are travelling with scientists and researchers ready to share all kinds of information. Breakfast is as international as we choose. And inevitably long, because the conversation is so amazing. 

And yes, we have a cranky older Indian man travelling with his NRI son who, in five minutes, alienates everyone by announcing how much his ‘estate’ in Silicon Valley is worth.

The captain, an amiable Russian, indulges my nine-year-old son’s every question and earns the title of ‘Better than Google about sea stuff.’ He announces a contest: “An expedition hat for anyone who spots the first iceberg.”

First? Icebergs meant the jagged-edged things that sank the Titanic!

The NRI saves me from making a fool of myself: He asks if the little ship has any chance of survival. The captains’ laughter makes me feel better. The ship, he assures us, runs on the most advanced sonar equipment, but, he adds, we are free to wear life-jackets and wander about. We do. Over the next four days. At lunch, dinner and breakfast, and also when watching March of the Penguins in the TV room.

At breakfast, a biologist at our table makes it a point to tell us that the doctor is sitting at breakfast with us. I am busy looking at the odd tablecloth: It works like velcro, holding plates and forks and salt and pepper shakers down. Then we all understand why. The ship has entered something called Drake’s Revenge. When you see the sea one minute and the sky the next, you know you need the doc. He smiles kindly and puts a patch behind my ear. Give it half an hour and you will be asking for breakfast. 

Hah! Optimist!

The husband spots the first iceberg and we stare at the two-mile-long tabletop iceberg in pure awe. If that is 30 percent of what is under water, imagine the rest! The patch works like magic and although I am slowed down by the meds in my bloodstream, I am happy to be up and on the deck to watch the sighting of the first birds. We are close to land!

We take several Zodiac rides to little islands that are home to penguins and petrels and giant seals. And yes, it is not pink snow, it is penguin poo, and you can smell it all. My favourite moment: Getting within inches of the most delightful turquoise iceberg and seeing icicles and frozen plant life. 

Back on the ship, the entertainment room, usually full of an enthusiastic crew, is quiet. A cruise liner had been in an accident, and since we are close, we are going to monitor the rescue efforts. The NRI whines about imaginary delays and decides to write a complaint letter. Everyone is worried for the people on the liner, but they laugh when India’s Pride leans too far off the deck to take a picture with his fancy camera and his fancier phone falls out of his pocket and is swallowed by the sea. 

Bright light through the porthole wakes me up. It’s 2.30 a.m. I blink in the sunlight. Sunlight? I look outside. Land! I shake the husband and child up, excited to share the sight.

Source: http://forbesindia.com/article/traveller

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

We’ve all been tense, stressed or anxious at some point in our lives. There may have been times when some of us have felt incapable of moving ahead in life or felt a bit empty from within. Feeling sad is a normal reaction to personal loss or our day-to-day struggles. But if the low mood lingers day after day, it could signal something larger.

According to the American Psychiatry Association, “Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home. Symptoms must last at least two weeks for a diagnosis of depression.”

The World Health Organization (WHO) considers depression as the fourth leading cause of disability worldwide, and expects it to become the second leading cause by 2020. An estimated 121 million people are currently living with some form of it. Of these individuals,fewer than 25% have access to adequate treatment.

Age is an important risk factor. The Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System found that the rate of diagnoses increased with age, from 2.8% for adults between 18-24 years to a peak of 4.6% for adults between 45-65 years. A study conducted by the Bangalore-based National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro-Sciences placed the average age of the depressed Indian at 31 years. In fact, a WHO report suggests that India is the most depressed country in the world.

Similarly, gender also plays a great role. Worldwide, women are about twice as likely to experience depression as men.  Approximately, 1 in 10 women experience symptoms of depression in the weeks after having a baby which is known as Postpartum Depression. The other forms of depression include Bipolar Disorder (extreme mood swings), Psychotic Depression  where a person may experience delusions and hallucinations, and Seasonal Affective Disorder which is characterised by the onset of depression during the winter months.

Although there is no ‘depression test’ that a mental health expert can use to diagnose depression, certain symptoms are more or less common to all the cases. These symptoms may vary according to the form or stage of illness. 

Dr. Dherandra Kumar, a Delhi-based Clinical Psychologist and Consultant at Apollo Hospital in Noida, suggests you consult a doctor if you experience the following symptoms persistently: 

1. Changes in mood, such as feeling down or low. This is usually accompanied by persistent boredom and loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. In some cases, the person becomes excessively irritable.

2. The chances of substance abuse increase drastically i.e. alcohol and drugs, in turn affecting the person’s interpersonal relationships.

3. The person faces cognitive dissonance and difficulty in concentration. As a result, even day-to-day things slip away from memory. Confusion and difficulty in making day-to-day decisions. 

4. Sleep disturbances become a common occurrence. They prefer to stay in bed for a longer duration of time. In some cases, patients may have trouble sleeping or suffer from insomnia.

5. There is a drastic alteration in the eating pattern. It is often marked by frequent over-eating or starving oneself, consequently leading to evident weight gain or loss.

6. Feeling of hopelessness, guilt, and/or pessimism is one of the most common symptoms. 

7. Sluggishness and decreased energy, feeling fatigued or weak all the time. On the contrary, some may experience restlessness, be hyper active or even have trouble sitting still. 

8. Frequent aches, cramps or pain in the body without any physical ailment.

Depression has a certain social stigma attached to it. As a result, in most cases, sufferers feel too shy or ignorant to reach out. They fail to realise that depression is just like any other disease and it’s not a sign of weakness or a negative personality. Therefore, there is an urgent need to create awareness in order to facilitate a change in our attitude and mindset regarding this medical condition which can actually be treated and dealt with.

Source: http://food.ndtv.com/health/

EASY HOME REMEDIES FOR DIARRHEA

Needless to say, stomach health is of utmost significance to ensure our overall well-being. The food that we consume, if not digested properly, could lead to various ailments, including malabsorption of nutrients, which can make you feel weaker. Have you noticed that when you feel sick in your tummy, your entire day goes for a toss? During summers, the risk of stomach ailments double owing to a host of reasons. This is when diarrhea, a digestive disorder, is also on the rise. Though any one can fall prey to it at any point in time, it is most common in summers when chances of getting food infections and food-borne ailments are at the highest.

The triggers

According to Dr. Rupali Datta, Chief Nutritionist, SmartCooky, "There can be many causes of diarrhea - from food infections, allergies and food intolerance to laxative abuse, stomach surgery or even stress. However, the most common form of it is seen as a result of eating unhygienic food, or consumption of food items to which the body is intolerant."

According to her, stress can also trigger digestive disorders as our entire body is closely tied to our psychological health.

Prevention

Here are some pointers to help you prevent diarrhea -

- During summers, it remains imperative to keep a check on the quantity of food that you consume.

- Always eat light and in small portions.

- Try and avoid items which are too greasy or heavy for digestion.

- Add lots of water, fluids and yoghurt to your diet.

- Avoid eating cut fruits and salads from outside unless extremely sure of the quality of the place.

- Juices should also be taken under caution, be conscious of the hygiene of the place.

- "Do not eat stale food, even when home cooked. In summers, your regular ingredients have the tendency to go bad at double the speed. It is therefore advisable to cook fresh and eat," advises Dr. Ashutosh Gautam, Clinical Operations and Coordination Manager, Baidyanath.

Taking care of your tummy

Diarrhea can literally suck away all possible energy from your body. It usually manifests itself in the form of stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting and repeated need to go to the washroom leading to watery stool. At times the condition restricts the patient from eating or drinking anything, as after every intake, the patient may feel nauseated or bloated. "There is already more than enough loss of fluids and electrolytes from the body. Not eating or drinking will only worsen the condition. Keep sipping on fluids and eat soft, bland food in intervals," adds Dr. Rupali.

Keep the following points in mind for speedy recovery:

- See your doctor immediately.

- In the meanwhile, keep your hydration levels up.

- Sip on a mixture of electrolyte powder diluted in one litre of water.

- You can also make a blend of sugar, lemon juice and salt in water and keep having this in intervals.

- Always remember, too much of sugar will hamper your stomach, so try to keep a balance.

- Sodium and potassium will help in getting the digestion back to normal; therefore items like bananas are recommended in treating diarrhea and upset stomach.

- Diluted apple juice can be taken, but not much. Warm clear soups, clear chicken broth, buttermilk and curd should be added in the diet.

- Dairy milk should be avoided. However, soy milk and its products like tofu and curd can be consumed.

- Add rice, washed dals and refined flour to your diet. Making khichdi could be a good option.

- Skinned apples can be eaten. Apples are good source of pectin which has binding properties. Stewed apples are also a good option.

- "In case of vomiting accompanying the condition, consuming chilled fluids can help," notes Dr. Rupali.

- Have lightly brewed green tea but no caffeine.

Dr. Ashutosh Gautam says, consuming bel juice can aid a great deal in getting your digestion back on track. "Keeping a check on your regular water intake is very important. Do not have water from anywhere, carry your own water bottle. In case mineral water is not available, double boiling regular water is always advisable," adds Dr. Gautam.

Quarter teaspoon of jaiphal (nutmeg powder) can be added to green tea and consumed to relieve the stomach. If you can get your hands on kutaj fruit, there is nothing like it in taming an upset stomach, dysentery, stomach flu and diarrhea. Its medical name itself is holarrhena antidysenterica. Its bark and stem can be used to treat loose motions. You can get its powdered bark and mix a teaspoon with curd.

Another popular home remedy suggested by many experts is a combination of isabgol (psyllium husk) and yoghurt. "Just a teaspoon of isabgol mixed with curd can help you feel better. The ingredient is hydroscopic in nature. It absorbs extra water and helps in solidifying the stool," concludes Dr. Ashutosh.

Summer is the time to make a splash and get lost in the colours of the season. Keep a check on your diet and water to prevent food infections. Stay protected and of course, have a blast!

Source: http://food.ndtv.com/health/